Being English, we are known for our politeness and manners. Not all, especially myself, abide by society’s strict codes of etiquette, but here’s a little poem I wrote while waiting in the blistering heat for a bus to Santa Lucia.
Never should love be expressed through a fart,
It’s best to cork it inside,
No one cares for your exhumations of a digested mango,
Friends like lovers won’t abide.
Nor do it with a echoing burp,
Because a gobfull of liquid can come up with it,
Vulgarity is only applauded by the vulgar,
And the burp is vulgally explicit.
Don’t smash out windows out with a sneeze,
Because people near will end up green,
Do it in a hanky if you have to,
Any other way is grossly obscene.
Why would anyone open their mouth while they’re eating?
Do you think you want us to see what your chewing?
Take your elbows off the table while you’re at it,
Or the exit door is what your lover will be pursuing.
Romance is for bedrooms and motels,
So keep your tongue in your own mouth,
Holding hands is just about acceptable, But never, ever in public should they roam south.
Bad manners can cost you friends,
So never interrupt or be arrogant to others,
Show that you’re polite and of decent character,
Anything else is too disgraceful to our ol’ mothers.
To finish off, here’s some graffiti in Santa Lucia that might be bad manners to some.