Honduras play today having to win by two or three goals and hope France do them a grand favor by beating Ecuador by a similar amount. I suppose I should take back everything I have said about the French (apart from a French girl who three years ago behaved like a sulky bitch towards me, which got worse when I wrote in my PRIVATE journal about her sulky bitch behaviour, and she decided (with her witch like buddies) that PRIVATE journals are for PUBLIC reading. I won’t name names (I’m like Harry Redknapp, me), but if she’s reading, you know who you are!). England are out, Spain are out, Italy are out (we had an Italian living in the Las Colinas mafia house (that use of the word mafia was no cheap pun aimed at the Italian by the way, just a joke we have between the remaining English, Spanish and Honduran housemates), and I suppose Luis Suarez will be joining them, due to his fixation on biting people. The Uruguayan FA, coach and media seem to have been taking tips out of Sepp Blatter’s illogical little book by blaming the actions of their own defected personnel on the British media, which makes me as a British journalist feel a bit victimised, which says something having seen the phone hacking trial come to head this week (so it was Andy Coulson all along!! What a great surprise!).
Luis Suarez certainly can’t be accused about be closed minded when trying international cuisine, despite being accused of being racist. He’s now had a bit of Dutch, Serbian and Italian. I know the world has a poor opinion of British food (people from around the world seem to think that British cuisine stops at fish and chips and deep-fried Mars bars, but they don’t seem to have tried Sunday roast, British cider or Walkers Prawn Cocktail crisps. Bloody closed-minded foreigners). There have been homo-erotic jokes that he gives players love bites and he likes to distract defenders by charming them (he obviously doesn’t need to with English defenders; they’d roll right over for him). But at the end of the day, the last laugh is on us, as a Swede found out when he made a bet that Suarez would bite someone during this world cup. What brilliant idea. I could have put a tenner on and been a millionaire. But jokes aside, Luis Suarez has an issue. He’s up there with Messi and Ronaldo but there’s a few defunct wires in his dead somewhere, that sparks off these ridiculous acts. The British media have a right to report on this, just like the rest of the world, no matter how much the Uruguayan FA try to distract the world by blaming the Brits. Shame on them! The world is watching now. Does he deserve a ban? Yes. What does this mean for Liverpool and Real Madrid/Barca? No one knows, but I suspect all these clubs will be getting him some very well-paid psychologists to try and enter the mind of the amazing, yet faulted, Luis Suarez.
Here is a poem about the world cup.
The World Cup
To say it’s just a game,
You deserve a torn limb.
To ask, “Why are you so obsessed?”
You appear extremely dim.
Football is the funniest sport,
Where grown men bite and kick each other,
There’s splendid athletes full of testosterone and passion,
And the governing body take bribes for one and other.
Now if you find you’re an England supporter,
You have to accept your team’s crap,
Watching other teams play with ease and flair,
Makes you want to give your own over-paid players a slap.
If you’re a supporter of Honduras,
You will see plenty aggressive passion,
There won’t be too many goals to enjoy,
But they won’t show opponent’s shins any compassion.
It’s globalisation at it’s worst,
Where Budweiser and McDonalds wield their name,
The world comes together in a hysteria of xenophobia,
And out of reckless acts on the pitch, somehow the British media gets the blame!
But football is still the best,
Despite it’s foolish money-making defects,
And don’t be afraid of being a glory supporter,
Because only misery comes to those who support teams with no prospects.
By the way, the last line is not aimed at Honduras. It is a voice of experience: England and Birmingham, go and figure!
To finish off, this is one of my favourite images of supporters. Ever.