Monthly Archives: August 2016

Little black angry dog

Dear readers,

A lot has happened since I last wrote. Pam and I have finally moved into our new house for starters. Poor Guillemero Anderson died, a famous singer in Honduras, from throat cancer. The UK changed Prime Minister. The Olympics have started and Team GB are showing that we are good at just about every sport apart from the mainstream ones. Not to forget Honduras football team who seem to choose their best performances for the Olympics, having reached the semi-finals, riding their luck at times but a massive pat on the back should go to their goal keeper Buba Lopez, who God knows why he isn’t playing for a Premiership club as I would happily swap him for Joe Hart. 

On a cultural issue to do with the Honduran football team, I must add something. It’s quite ironic, because many Hondurans claim that racism does not exist in this country, saying that people are all mixed so they’re all racially confused but equal. It’s true it’s not a big problem, but it’s a claim that’s still bogusly inaccurate. I have noticed from fans and read in the media, when the team does not live up to expectations, that blame is often pointed at the black members of the team. For me though, those same black players are so very evidentally more athletic and skillful than their colleagues of other races, whether it be Luis Figueroa or Wilson Palacios. Saturday’s game made heroes out of Elis, Quioto and Buba Lopez, all black (and proud) players. So, a big middle finger up to racism in Honduras. In fact, my wife now wants to call our first born Buba Elis.

It is common knowledge the world over that dogs hate postmen, milk men and joggers. I prefer cats. Cats are loyal, quieter, more sophisticated, much more intelligent and a lot more cleaner. This is personal experience. I am not a big fan of dogs. I understand the problem with aggressive dogs is often irresponsible owners, but I still think they belong on a plate rather than as a pet. I have been bitten by a dog and I think they are, mostly, big angry hamsters. Many people don’t like cats in Honduras and it boils down to supersitious nonsense. As far as I know, domestic cats have killed or severly injured far less humans than dogs. Fact. Right over the world. As far as loyalty is concerned, many dogs I see try to escape their owners rather than come and go from their lodging civilly like cats. Dogs can’t be trusted. As guard dogs, all they need is a sausage and their loyalty turns directly to the no gooder trying to enter your premises. You might as well get a parrot. And to say that dogs are more beautiful looking than cats is ridiculous. To claim that the below dog looks nicer than a cat, I would say you were in denial and/or stupid.

Ironically, I would still have a dog in my house. A big dog. A worthwhile dog. One which was bred for a use and has some brains (still only half of a cat). A boxer dog, a German Shepherd, a Labrador, an English Sheep-dog, for example. If I am walking down the road and come face-to-face with a loose German Shepherd, which often happens here, I want a dog of similar stature to defend me, not a poodle attracting very unwanted attention. Either that or a rescued dog, as they are better in a house than getting rabies on the street. Little dogs, quite literally, can fuck off. And Honduras’s obsession with the little attention-seeking bastards is just absurd. Stop being pussies, Catrachos, and get a proper dog.

Anyway, I’m training for a mini marathon which takes place next week, and this little black angry dog will not stop yapping at my ankles. It lives at the bottom of the road and I am very close to launching the little rat over a high wall so I can run in peace. This dog, however, has two good purposes 1) to be part of the food chain 2) it has inspired the below poem. The poem could be as bad as the dog, or as good as the dog, as I understand how divisive the dog debate is.

Black Little Angry Dog

Look at you, little dog,

All angry and flustered and brute.

A bitchy thug, that you are,

Trying to rip off my boot.

Black, short-haired, rat-faced little thing,

You’re something spawned from a demon.

Trying to find a mate for you is impossible

Because no bitch wants your semen.

Cats are ten times better than you,

Being more intelligent, cleaner and loving.

While the best fate for you, little Rover

Is to end up as Christmas stuffing.